I am officially 32 weeks! Woohoo! I mean “Oh no!” I haven’t even had my baby shower, although it is this weekend {insert huge sigh of relief}. I need to scrub our whole kitchen from top to bottom, inside and out. I need to baby proof EVERYTHING. I need to find the car seat…. I THINK it’s in our storage. Oh goodness, I sure HOPE it is! What if it’s dirty, or broken, or it’s been recalled, or….? If I don’t have that I can’t even bring our baby home!
So this is what has been running through my head for the past week and as you can tell I’m officially in panic mode! The instinct to nest has officially set in and even though I have the urge to run around and take apart everything to scrub every little nook and cranny it’s not that easy. You see, I have this amazing child who is 5 years old who also needs his mama’s love and attention. But for the past week or :/ maybe longer? I have been stressing about scrubbing, cleaning, organizing, just making sure everything is safe and ready for baby M. There have been times that I have wanted to rip my hair out because I am so overwhelmed and feel pulled in so many directions. It just feels as if time is running out! I have lost my patience with my 5 year old (Z) more times than I would like to admit. I’ve tried to have him help his mama out so we can work as a team and be MORE productive, but usually because I’m so stressed it just ends up with me being even more annoyed that the job isn’t being done correctly. It’s not his fault, really, I know it isn’t, and he does try, but I can’t help but lose my battle to frustration at times.
A few days ago after a long and tiring day of attempting to accomplish cleaning more than a small section of our home I noticed a small dry patch of skin on my son’s cheek. I had him go into our room so I could rub some raw shea butter on his face. I then proceeded to begin rubbing some into my stomach as well. He asked me in the sweetest little voice “Mama, can I do that for you?” I told him yes and as he began he started to sing “You Are My Sunshine” to his little brother inside of me. Tears began to well up as I looked into the big brown eyes of my beautiful son and listened to his small sweet voice. He was such a proud big brother and to see him lovingly sing to baby M and look after me in such a tender way completely melted my heart.
You see, I’m a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to getting things ready or planning events. It can be a really wonderful thing as I pay attention to the smallest details and make sure that every aspect is covered thoroughly. But it can also be a bad thing because sometimes I get tunnel vision, being so caught up in one idea and wanting it to be “perfect” that I forget everything that’s going on around that one thing I’m aiming at achieving.
In this case, my perfectionism of wanting a perfect, safe, and clean environment got the better of me. So I took a deep breath as it became clear to me how hard I had been going on this whole nesting thing with myself and him. I realize that I won’t get many more opportunities where it is just Z and I as it has been for the past 5 years. So after he finished I had him crawl into my lap and I rocked him back and forth singing “You Are My Sunshine” to him. I then told him how proud I was of him for helping his mommy and what a truly amazing kid he was. I realize now that yes, there are things to do and get ready for baby M, but there are also moments right now that I need to be soaking up with Z because soon everything will be different. My home will be in order and it will be a perfect, safe, and clean environment for baby M, but it will happen at a slower pace, and that’s okay because more importantly it will be filled with love
xoxo
Lady Sunshine
----- The freebie for you this week :):
* A coupon for a box of FREE Mighty Oats. These can be found at Whole Foods Market. All you have to do is “Like” Little Duck Organics (the link above takes you directly to the page you need to be on). Then just print off the coupon and it’s good until this Sunday the 24th of November!
Here’s the description from their facebook page about their product:
- organic!
- no sugar added!
- gluten-free!
- non-GMO verified!
- kosher!
- sourced locally when possible!
- supah, supah tasty! :D
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