In our current society, we've gotten this obsession with kids' self esteem. I call it an obsession because we have completely overdone it. We have been consumed by it. This started before the current generation of young children who get a participation award for everything they do. Even my generation has a sense of entitlement and an over inflated ego. Now, don't get me wrong...children DO need high opinions of themselves. They DO need praise and they DO need confidence, however, they need it for the right things.
DD is 5 and just a doll. She really is. She's got Shirley Temple spiral curls, deep blue eyes, full pouty lips, pinchable cheeks, and freckles. She's seriously adorable and everyone who meets her WON'T STOP TELLING HER. This didn't used to bother me until I realized something...she started coming up to me all the time and asking if I thought she looked pretty...if her dress was beautiful...if she could wear makeup. (NO!) She started being overly concerned with how she looked, something NO five year old should ever be concerned with. This was the very same child who once wore an air freshener around her neck claiming she just wanted to because she liked it. I tried to warn her that other kids might laugh, but she didn't care what anyone thought. Now all of the sudden she wants to make sure she has EVERYONE'S approval everywhere she goes. What went wrong here? My poor kid wasn't told enough that she was clever, funny, and creative. She wasn't praised by others on her skills in the game of Memory or her ability to sing or dance. Other people didn't tell her they loved her art work. My family didn't tell her how thoughtful she was when she would pick them flowers or offer her brother half of a treat she got at school.
These children are learning to value the wrong things. They are learning that participating is enough and that being aesthetically pleasing is their main value. My daughter thinks that all people know and even EXPECT of her is to be beautiful. How many teenage girls do you know that think they are NOTHING if they aren't pretty? I refuse to have my children learn the wrong values. My daughter is pretty, but do not tell her. She has years ahead of her to hear it. She needs to hear that she has value even if no one could see her. <3
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