Location, location, location!

Location, location, location! Okay not really. More like, routine, routine routine! As parents, we struggle with managing it all. Kids go to school. They come home with homework. Little Sara has spelling. Timmy has a science project. Bobby has soccer practice and Allison has ballet. I’m sure we have all been there and if we haven’t, we will be at some point. I often get asked how I manage it all and ever since my boys were infants my answer has been the same. Routine. I can’t stress the importance of a routine enough. It has truly been my saving grace.
Firstly, I would like to say, even if you have a difficult child, it IS NOT impossible. There are several parents out there who feel like their kids don’t nap enough, don’t get enough playtime, won’t go to bed on time, etc… You CAN do it. And you can even do it, *gasp* with a newborn. Matter of fact, that is the best time to start. (Please don’t be discouraged if you have a toddler because I said that.) Setting a routine will eliminate a lot of the arguments and tantrums that your child could have. It can make nap times enjoyable for everyone and also help to instill some independence and self soothing in your child. I’m not one of those moms that is going to fight tooth and nail so that my kids stick to our routine down to the second though. Set a routine, but don’t lose your flexibility. Here’s my step by step:
1) With any child, newborn to age 7 (since that is my personal experience thus far), spend a few days or even a week mostly observing your kids. See what they decide to do with themselves. See when they start to show signs of crankiness or tiredness, hunger, when they just want mommy/daddy time, and when they have their bursts of energy. And take note of the things they REALLY, REALLY enjoy doing. Write things down if you have to.
2) When you get a moment to yourself (I know, like that ever happens…), BUT when you do, make some lists. Or make yourself a chart. Jot down a chart/list for each child if you need to or pile it all on one. Make a separate list of things that YOU need to do each day or week and make sure that you include any activities that your child is involved in on their charts. Make another list of those activities that they really enjoy and also make a list of quiet activities that your child likes to do, more importantly, things they can or like to do by themselves or with each other. This will be your starting point for building your routine.
3) Start putting it all together. Please don’t feel stuck into typical things. (i.e. lunch simply must be at noon and lunch must be a 3 course event) Start, hour by hour, putting your family’s routine together. If you have a child still at home while the others are at school and he doesn’t get hungry until 8 or 9, let him/her eat at 8 or 9 instead of making them eat at 6:30 or 7 with the school age kids. If your child gets hungry for lunch around 11 instead of noon then roll with that. Use all of those notes you took to compile your child’s behavior into a schedule that works for YOU and your family lifestyle. By using this method to create your schedule, you are working with your child’s natural internal clock to create a schedule that fits your life.
Try and schedule nap times during those time-frames when you noticed your child getting tired. Your success rate of getting them to sleep will increase. On the other hand, don’t be upset and frustrated if your child has a day or several when they refuse to sleep. That is when that handy list of quiet activities come in! Trying to force nap time is 1) almost always a losing battle and 2) only serves to add stress to the parent and the child. Instead, if your child is refusing to sleep or seems restless, offer them 1 or 2 of the quiet options. Laying in bed with some books, or listening to some music while cuddling and talking to one of their lovies (stuffed animals) has always been a hit at my house. I also stopped calling it nap time and just referred to it as quiet time. That helped tremendously because my kids no longer dreaded the “nap”. Quiet time was as much a treat for them as it was for me. It gives everyone a break and when you don’t have to fight about it, goodness gracious, does that make it even better.
Using a routine will also cut down on eating out and purchasing snacks on the go. If you know your kids get hungry on the way to soccer/karate/ballet or on the way home, pack a snack and a water bottle for each of them and bam, problem solved. Healthy snacks, on the go, and nobody gets cranky and cries the whole way home. (that’s never happened to me, of course…)
Lastly, that list of things that they REALLY, REALLY like to do, save those for when they do really well on their routine. They can be rewards for good behavior, or a reward for parent and child when you just need a break from the struggle and could use some joy. You could also decide to schedule one of these activities for your kids once a week, just to put an extra smile on their face(s).
I’m not going to lie, things may be rough in the beginning, but kids do so much better with routines. My mother is an experienced early childhood educator and elementary school teacher and she has often told me that you can immediately spot the difference between the kids who have had a routine at home and the ones who haven’t. Routine kids are a lot more prepared for school than others. They handle the transition to school and the transitions during school with ease, while other students struggle to focus. Please don’t take my word as gospel, I can only speak about my own experience and give advice based on that, but I hope that it helps someone.
-Lady Imagine