Mommy Wars

  Mommy Wars

Mommy wars. We all  have those things that we do differently, those things we never said we would do, and those things we judge others for doing.  But why?  Being a mother is one of the most difficult, under appreciated, under paid jobs, with the best benefits.  However, it isn't for everyone, and not everyone does it the same.  What you do for yourself or your family and your child isn't necessarily the same thing that others might do for theirs.

Stay at Home vs. Working Parents

"It must be nice to stay at home all day."
"I would never allow someone else to raise my children"
"I bet going to work is like a vacation"
"What DO you do all day?"

These are all terrible, hurtful things to say to someone.  Some people are lucky enough to be able to stay home, others are lucky enough to have a great job that they love and loving people that will care for their children while they do just that.  Others have to work to provide for their families while maybe the other can't find a job.  My point is, you don't know what their situation his, be it financial or otherwise and it isn't your place to point fingers.

Maternity Leave

I don't know about you, but I couldn't WAIT for my maternity leave to be over.  I had been working since I was legally allowed to, at 15 1/2, and I didn't have my son until I was 25. I didn't know what to do with myself.  I was going stir crazy.

 Some women are chomping at the bit to get back out of the house and head back to work, while others take the full amount of time that they're allowed to by their employer.  It doesn't make one stronger than the other or the other less maternal.  It makes them mothers, all experiencing the same thing.

 Religion

Oh crap.  She said it.  The word that isn't brought up in good company.  Religion.  The topic that no one is supposed to ever discuss, because for some reason if everyone doesn't agree with what you believe, they're wrong, you're right, and there is no middle ground.  Well, I hate to break it to you but...

 Some people do things differently.

This is a hard topic for me.  We are of "unequal yokes"... My husband believes in God but isn't religious and wasn't raised in the church.  I was raised in the church and believe that having faith and having a relationship with Jesus is important, and I want that for my children.  Luckily, I have the worlds most understanding and easy going husband, that he believes if it's important to me, that it is important to him, and he won't hinder my teachings or beliefs.

Breast vs. Bottle

Some women CHOOSE to bottle feed.  Some women CHOOSE to exclusively breastfeed.  Some women CHOOSE to quit nursing after a year.  Some women CHOOSE to ... you get it?  Usually, it's a choice. However, some women never got that choice.  Some women tried, and tried, and tried to nurse.  Some women cried while their nipples bled and nothing came out.  Some women cried while their nipples were so sore because their baby had a poor latch.  Some women cried because they couldn't find a formula that would make their colic stop.  Some women cried because they couldn't afford to use formula, so they have to pump, and pump and pump while their at work.  Some women cry because they can't afford formula, but they have to find a way to cut back else where and buy it.  Some women....

Just because they don't do things the way you thing they should, doesn't make them wrong and doesn't give you the right to chastise or judge them.  They are doing things the best way they know how, with what they have, and they don't need you to tell them how they should or shouldn't be doing things.

I am a breastfeeding advocate.  I sat through months of painful nursing.  A few times I cried because it hurt so badly, with my husband sitting by my side and allowing me to grip his hand.  There were times where I wanted nothing more than to switch to formula, thinking formula moms must have it easier.  Then, last month, I went to my sister-in-laws, and saw that when her baby was hungry they had to wait for the bottle to be made and heated before their baby had his food and thought, as I was nursing my hungry son, she might be thinking "man, I wish I was breastfeeding so he wouldn't have to wait."

Are you getting the point yet? LOL...

What do you feed your children? Food?  Good, they need it to survive.  What does your neighbor, your friend, your sister, your brother, your in-laws, what do they feed their children?  Food?  Good, they need it to survive.  If they don't go ahead and intervene, call someone, do something, but as long as they're thriving and surviving, bite your tongue.

I've made some of my own baby food, it wasn't too difficult, but it was a lot more work.  I also swore my child would never eat a french fry... before he was actually here.  You know what?  That kid has eaten several fries, and he likes them.  However, I don't salt them, and he gets them in moderation, and usually only when we're traveling.  

Vaginal birth vs. Cesarean 

The birthing process is the most painfully rewarding process, ever.  No matter how you had your child, you had him/her, and that's all that matters.  Some women chose to have their baby in a barn, in their bed, in a tub of water, at the hospital, on mars, who cares.  Some women schedule their births via cesarean or induction.  Other women walk miles, bounce on balls, have sex, do a the hokey-pokey, and wait for that baby to make it's decision to make an appearance.

Others don't have the choice.  Maybe they scheduled a C-section, but that baby had other plans and came around the bend a little faster than expected.  Maybe that mother was on the bed at the hospital pushing, and pushing for hours, giving it all she had, when the doctor said "I'm sorry, there's nothing more we can do" or "Your baby is stuck." forcing them to have a Cesarean. 

Some women chose to have an epidural, others chose to go all natural (I applaud you.).  I personally wasn't sure which way I was going, and waited 7 long hours before saying "GIVE ME THE DRUGS!!!" haha.

Either way, hopefully, at the end of the day, you have a bundle in your arms, that is all yours, and is perfect.

A million other things...

Vaccinations

Circumcision

Cry it out
Co-Sleeping
Baby wearing
Self-led weening
Extended breastfeeding
Nursing to sleep
Introducing solids

Spanking

Time-outs

Discipline

Yadda yadda yadda... 

We all do things differently.  Why?  Because it is OUR RIGHT as parents. 

 End the mommy wars.

Until next time,

Lady Hurricane