Presents versus Presence

     I want you to think hard about the holidays of your childhood. What do you remember most? Do you remember baking special holiday treats with your mom or grandma? Do you remember going to see a display of Christmas lights? What about traditions that your family ALWAYS did that you loved? Now I want you to think about the gifts you received. How many can you remember? Okay fine, I definitely remember my N64 (and yes I still have it) and my Power Wheels Corvette, but aside from that, I've got nothin. Let that sink in for a minute....go ahead....I'll wait....
 
     Okay now...get it? Good. I want you to realize how stressful it is when you are running around frantically Black Friday shopping or last minute gift wrapping..or maybe about preparing for all that company. Do your kids enjoy you when you're stressed? Mine certainly don't.
   
     One last question...how often did they play with last year's expensive gifts? If your kids are anything like mine, they played with them for MAYBE a week before they were lost in the pile that is the toy box. They would get dumped out when company came over of course as you know kids are prone to doing this AWESOME thing where they check to see every single toy the other child has, but were they worth it? Not really.

     What has this holiday become? It used to be about so much more than retail, but I don't want to get preachy. I could rant all day about how materialistic we are now and how insane it is to trample people in a sale to get junk that will likely not even really be appreciated, but I won't.

     So what do we do to make sure our kids have something more worthwhile... I know there was a blog earlier about community service and that was a GREAT idea, but aside from that...do a holiday craft, even if it comes out sloppy. Bake some Christmas tree brownies together. Take them to see a light show. Start some traditions and make them memorable! (you can still do a lot of shopping if you have a preteen who loves to shop with you! :P)

     Here's what I did with my kids today...we made ornaments out of foam balls and sequins. They LOVED IT.

Yesterday, they helped me put together my Christmas village. (my grandmother had me help with hers every year and it was my favorite so I started my own) There's a brilliant local light display that I've been to every December since I was 10, and I'll be taking them to that. If I'm being honest I don't like holidays, but only because of what they have BECOME. Let's create traditions and memories with our kids that will make these holidays meaningful..otherwise, what's the point? :)

-Lady Luck

Milestones and Nursing in Public

First, let's start with our milestone... On Wednesday, November 13th, my son hugged me...on purpose, for a long time.  This was my first real hug from my little man, one day after he turned 8 months old, and it is something I will never forget.

We had a busy day of family photos, finding bedtime books, picking up a few groceries and running a couple other errands, but before we were going to head home my husband (DH) looked at me and said "I'm hungry", of course it is a 45 minute drive home, so he didn't want to wait, and I had a crabby baby.  One block away from the grocery store there was a McDonald's, this is probably the first time in more than six months since we had been to a fast food joint, but this was cheap and fast, "Get in, get out, go home!"  was our mission, and it didn't go too terribly.  Our son screamed the entire block drive, first because we were putting him back in his car seat, but mostly because he had a long day.

DH and I decided it would be easiest to go in, so I could nurse him before we headed home and hopefully he would fall asleep, so we went in, found a table in the corner and I sat down to get ready to nurse, told DH to go ahead and order and I'll start feeding baby boy. As he hands me our son, he immediately put his head on my shoulder and arms around my neck. I melted. I sat there, held him, and loved on him while I just melted into his embrace. It was perfect, absolutely perfect.

Now on to nursing in public....

Growing up I was taught to be passionate about what I believe in and to stand up for it. Breastfeeding is one of those things, and as I said earlier, we had pictures of our little family taken the same day and it was awesome.  When I first contacted the photographer, I wanted to make sure they were comfortable taking nursing shots (because this is America after all, and it's some sort of crazy taboo).  He was, which was perfect!  We made the appointment, picked out, what I thought, were the perfect outfits, and headed to the studio!  The experience was wonderful.  Our son was more interested in the toys than getting his picture taken though, but that's okay we got some great shots. 

After the shoot, the photographer said he would likely have some previews for us in the next few days, and to our surprise there were several up that evening!  He did great work, especially with the nursing shots.  I was moved and my heart melted, he really captured the beauty of my relationship with my son.  I loved it.  Immediately I shared it on Facebook and I wasn't ready for the backlash we received.

My phone goes off when someone I follow uses Twitter, and when I looked down and read "you posted pictures of yourself nursing your baby on Facebook!? Are you [explicit] kidding me?" followed by someone -- who I considered a friend and have always respected -- replying something like this (I can't post it exactly, I'm now blocked.) "I almost told her to put her saggy bags away...is that bad?!", I was hurt terribly.  I was shaking, I felt sick, I wanted to cry.  However, the LAST thing I wanted to do was delete the photo.  I wasn't going to allow them to get to me the way they wanted to. Unfortunately, the photographer was put on a 3 day suspension because someone reported the photo as pornographic and again as graphically violent, even though it was well within the rights of their terms of service (click here for a link to facebooks rules/regulations about nursing photos), and the original photo was deleted. Don't worry though, I didn't give up on it, I posted it again and made sure to let people know exactly what I believed, and how I thought what Facebook did was wrong (maybe a few more times than some on my friends list would like, but oh well).

You see, it took a lot for me to get as comfortable with nursing, as I am now.  When we first brought our son home, we were living with my dad after a big cross-country move, trying to figure out our next step. Anytime my son needed to nurse, I would go into our room, close the door, and nurse with a blanket nearby just in case someone opened the door. Whenever we needed to go out to do anything I would make sure to feed him, and note what time he ate then quickly head out the door to make sure we were home in less than 2 hours so I could feed him again.  It was nerve racking.  Yes, I had a nursing cover, but I wasn't even comfortable doing that.

The above started to put a small strain on our marriage.  I was constantly stressed because I didn't want my son to cry when we were in public and I didn't want to go out anywhere because heaven forbid, he got hungry.  If he did need to eat, I would go out to the car, park in the back of the parking lot and slouch down in the seat (with a cover!) in fear that someone may drive by and see me nursing or I would go to a bathroom and lock myself in a stall praying that no one could see me through the small crack in the door.

Then I went to MOPS. This is where my relationship with nursing took a complete turn.  When I walked in to register, I was greeted by a mom that was nursing with a cover.  When I went into the common room, there were more ladies nursing, some with covers and some without.  I suddenly felt less stressed about being out with my 8 week old son.  I knew that if he cried, I could put my cover on and nurse without judgement.

A few days later, my husband wanted to go to an early afternoon movie with me, and I thought "Sure! It's dark, there won't be many people, I have a cover! No problem!".  We did it!  We went on a date with a newborn!  Success!

I began getting braver and braver nursing my son in public, always with a cover, except at home (as we now live on our own), and always as tastefully as possible.  I also have a wonderful support system who has encouraged me every step of the way, and a husband who has always been on my side.

It is hard work, but you can do it too.  It isn't anything to be embarrassed about, and it sure as hell isn't pornographic or graphically violent.

Here is a nursing photo from our session, I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

(Photo courtesy of Scott Butner Photography, LLC)

And here is the photo that was wrongfully reported and got him suspended from Facebook:

Click HERE to go 'like' his Facebook page and show him some love!

Until next time,

Lady Hurricane