Location, location, location!

Location, location, location! Okay not really. More like, routine, routine routine! As parents, we struggle with managing it all. Kids go to school. They come home with homework. Little Sara has spelling. Timmy has a science project. Bobby has soccer practice and Allison has ballet. I’m sure we have all been there and if we haven’t, we will be at some point. I often get asked how I manage it all and ever since my boys were infants my answer has been the same. Routine. I can’t stress the importance of a routine enough. It has truly been my saving grace.
Firstly, I would like to say, even if you have a difficult child, it IS NOT impossible. There are several parents out there who feel like their kids don’t nap enough, don’t get enough playtime, won’t go to bed on time, etc… You CAN do it. And you can even do it, *gasp* with a newborn. Matter of fact, that is the best time to start. (Please don’t be discouraged if you have a toddler because I said that.) Setting a routine will eliminate a lot of the arguments and tantrums that your child could have. It can make nap times enjoyable for everyone and also help to instill some independence and self soothing in your child. I’m not one of those moms that is going to fight tooth and nail so that my kids stick to our routine down to the second though. Set a routine, but don’t lose your flexibility. Here’s my step by step:
1) With any child, newborn to age 7 (since that is my personal experience thus far), spend a few days or even a week mostly observing your kids. See what they decide to do with themselves. See when they start to show signs of crankiness or tiredness, hunger, when they just want mommy/daddy time, and when they have their bursts of energy. And take note of the things they REALLY, REALLY enjoy doing. Write things down if you have to.
2) When you get a moment to yourself (I know, like that ever happens…), BUT when you do, make some lists. Or make yourself a chart. Jot down a chart/list for each child if you need to or pile it all on one. Make a separate list of things that YOU need to do each day or week and make sure that you include any activities that your child is involved in on their charts. Make another list of those activities that they really enjoy and also make a list of quiet activities that your child likes to do, more importantly, things they can or like to do by themselves or with each other. This will be your starting point for building your routine.
3) Start putting it all together. Please don’t feel stuck into typical things. (i.e. lunch simply must be at noon and lunch must be a 3 course event) Start, hour by hour, putting your family’s routine together. If you have a child still at home while the others are at school and he doesn’t get hungry until 8 or 9, let him/her eat at 8 or 9 instead of making them eat at 6:30 or 7 with the school age kids. If your child gets hungry for lunch around 11 instead of noon then roll with that. Use all of those notes you took to compile your child’s behavior into a schedule that works for YOU and your family lifestyle. By using this method to create your schedule, you are working with your child’s natural internal clock to create a schedule that fits your life.
Try and schedule nap times during those time-frames when you noticed your child getting tired. Your success rate of getting them to sleep will increase. On the other hand, don’t be upset and frustrated if your child has a day or several when they refuse to sleep. That is when that handy list of quiet activities come in! Trying to force nap time is 1) almost always a losing battle and 2) only serves to add stress to the parent and the child. Instead, if your child is refusing to sleep or seems restless, offer them 1 or 2 of the quiet options. Laying in bed with some books, or listening to some music while cuddling and talking to one of their lovies (stuffed animals) has always been a hit at my house. I also stopped calling it nap time and just referred to it as quiet time. That helped tremendously because my kids no longer dreaded the “nap”. Quiet time was as much a treat for them as it was for me. It gives everyone a break and when you don’t have to fight about it, goodness gracious, does that make it even better.
Using a routine will also cut down on eating out and purchasing snacks on the go. If you know your kids get hungry on the way to soccer/karate/ballet or on the way home, pack a snack and a water bottle for each of them and bam, problem solved. Healthy snacks, on the go, and nobody gets cranky and cries the whole way home. (that’s never happened to me, of course…)
Lastly, that list of things that they REALLY, REALLY like to do, save those for when they do really well on their routine. They can be rewards for good behavior, or a reward for parent and child when you just need a break from the struggle and could use some joy. You could also decide to schedule one of these activities for your kids once a week, just to put an extra smile on their face(s).
I’m not going to lie, things may be rough in the beginning, but kids do so much better with routines. My mother is an experienced early childhood educator and elementary school teacher and she has often told me that you can immediately spot the difference between the kids who have had a routine at home and the ones who haven’t. Routine kids are a lot more prepared for school than others. They handle the transition to school and the transitions during school with ease, while other students struggle to focus. Please don’t take my word as gospel, I can only speak about my own experience and give advice based on that, but I hope that it helps someone.
-Lady Imagine

Give yourself more credit!

Brace yourself, this is a long one, but it's worth it. :) 

Ever since I found out I was pregnant for that first time, I've been living in fear of inadequacy. I remember that the song Daughters by John Mayer came on while I was at work. The line "Girls become lovers who turn into mothers, so mothers be good to your daughters too" hit me hard for NO REASON except that I had a hormonal crying breakdown over the word mother and realizing I would soon be one. I remember that feeling SO vividly because it never really left. I still have my moments where I am OVERWHELMED with the fact that I am solely responsible for molding a human life. (well, two now) Because I know this feeling well, I decided to calm some fears I know some of you are having with some standard worries and blunt advice. 

EVERY. SINGLE. KID. is different. That being said, those of you that are having your second, do not expect the same things to work on this one. My two are so opposite it's scary. None of the same tricks worked on the second kid. It takes time to learn YOUR kid and what works for them. Do not feel you are screwing it up if it takes you weeks to find out how to get them to sleep or eat on a schedule or...whatever. ALL KIDS ARE DIFFERENT. There is no perfect cookie cutter strategy that always works. I'm sorry, there just isn't. 

There is no such thing as a perfect parent. I don't care about the girl down the street who says her baby sleeps through the night every night. YOU ARE NOT DOING IT WRONG. I don't care that you can't seem to make those perfect pinterest crafts with your toddler...YOU ARE NOT DOING IT WRONG. As a matter of fact, let's address the pinterest thing right now. Pinterest is great and adorable and addicting, but there are those of us that have that skill and those that do not. There are whole pages dedicated to "Pinterest Fails" so please view them if you are one of THOSE moms that dares to compare herself to some nonsense standard. If the cupcakes do not look like cookie monster, your kid will still eat them. You get extra points if you let them help, put some icing on their nose, had a good laugh, and then were able to laugh at how silly they looked at the end. You tried. You spent bonding time with that child and they LOVED IT. They don't secretly meet with their friends and feel sad because you can't do perfect pinterest projects. The kid cares not about what internet moms are doing.

THE ONLY ONES UPSET ABOUT US NOT MEETING THOSE STANDARDS ARE OURSELVES!! 

I'll even go so far as to say I've never heard a husband complain about his wife not making that recipe look as good as it did on Pinterest. We as a society have an unfair mindset of comparison. We always see those that are better than us at something and put ourselves down for not being that. It's total nonsense. While you may not be able to make elephants out of paper plates or some junk, I bet Pinterest elephant lady can't change her oil in her car or keep up with a garden or whatever. We all have different skills. It makes the world go round and we must embrace it and be able to laugh at ourselves when we fail. We either try again and again or we accept ourselves for who we are and what we are good at. There is no room for criticizing our abilities. 

Another fear I have..is that I have done/will do something to mess up my kids for life. We all have that one scar (at least) that we feel our childhood caused don't we? I spend countless hours wondering if I've traumatized my poor kid in this way or that.... My answer to that is..yes, we are going to mess up. It's going to happen. As much as most of us thought our parents had all the answers and that it was some divine gift you get upon popping out a baby, newp! You're going to mess up. Come to terms with that RIGHT NOW. It will make it so much easier on you to realize it, accept it, and learn how to recover from it. When you do send your kid to school with a belly ache only to get a call from the nurse saying they vomited all over the classroom, you're going to feel guilty. You messed up. When you punish your youngest child only to realize your older child was the one at fault, you messed up. What makes it okay is how you react to it afterward. You pull that child aside and hug them and tell them that mommies make mistakes too and that you did and you're sorry. 

Remember that children become what you ARE not what you tell them to become. The first time I heard one of my kids repeat some bossy, snippy comment(to one another)...it broke my heart. It sounded so harsh coming from their mouths. Is that what I sounded like? I made a decision to work on who *I* am as a person...in order to make my children better people. Remember that. It's VERY IMPORTANT. If you want your children to be sweet and soft spoken...speak to them in that manner as well. Even if they're in trouble, 9 times out of 10 it can be done sternly, but not angrily. This is a battle I personally struggle with all the time. It takes practice to be a calm and stern parent instead of one quick to yell. That being said though, my goodness, BE CONSISTENT. If you let the kid get away with something ONE TIME, they will remember. Consistency is a BIG thing in parenting. Don't make threats and not follow through. None of this "if you do that one more time....no I mean it you better stop or I'll..." Just do it. That's all. 

To add to the being what you are section, remember that as well when you are criticizing yourself. A child who constantly hears her mother say how big her nose is and how she hates her hair may grow up to have that same nose and that same hair...don't be critical of yourself, at least not in front of them. They are part you. Remember that. 

Try not to discourage your children's dreams either. Just as you wouldn't want to be critical of yourself, certainly don't criticize them. If they want to be a doctor, tell them that's great and to work hard. If they draw a goofy looking drawing, tell them it's beautiful...or silly depending on what they were going for. :P Just don't discourage their wonderfully optimistic little world. Most of us have had optimism beaten out of us by adulthood. Try your best not to let that happen on your watch. 

TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!

This is by far the best advice I ever received. You should consider everything you read and are told to some extent, but do not be governed by it. If everyone you know tells you to let your child cry it out at night but it feels wrong, don't do it. I heard so many people tell me what horrible things I was doing to my child by letting them sleep in my bed or nursing them to 18 months. I was giving them deep psychological issues apparently. Or those moms that feel just WRONG about breastfeeding because it feels uncomfortable...do not let anyone tell you that your feelings are wrong. It would be great if you could pump, don't get me wrong..just an example. Nothing is stronger than your deep down gut feeling because you know your kids best. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, as again, all kids are different...every single one. 

To those having their first:

       There is almost nothing anyone can say to you that will fully prepare you. There are no books you can read that will give you a clear understanding of what you are about to go through. It changes everything forever, but not in a bad way. You'll suddenly care about things that didn't used to matter and you'll worry about things that may not ever happen. You'll fear you don't REALLY know what you're doing and I promise you, that's all completely normal. You WILL figure it all out. You will learn your baby and how to manage normal life now that you have one. It won't be easy, but it will be 100% worth it. 

To those having their second:

  It was hard for me to imagine loving ANYTHING in the whole world like I loved that little boy. I worried constantly and had dreams that I forgot about my daughter entirely in my pursuit to be his perfect mom. I feared so many things about having two as my mom and her mom only had one. It's absolutely amazing how the heart manages to make that much room for that much love all over again and you learn that it is possible to love something just as much as your first born. You worry about how the older one will react and sometimes it isn't great, but they'll love each other if you make sure to never short them on love. It may take time. DS wasn't great about DD at first. He struggled to share me. Now, he worries about his sister and he protects her. It's a bond I can't even describe and is the coolest thing I've ever seen. Tell your oldest what a great big sibling they are. Keep them involved and praise them often. Even if it's just asking them to bring over a clean diaper and then gushing over how big of a helper they are. Make sure they know they play a vital role in your life still. Make sure they know nothing could EVER replace them. As for juggling the needs of two? haha You'll get that too. I was nursing one while changing another's diaper in no time. It does take time, but you'll be surprised what you can learn.

To all of you:

You will mess up, acknowledge it to yourself and your child. Learn to grow from it. 

You aren't perfect, don't be so critical...and remember that they learn your critical nature.

All kids are different.

Trust your instincts.

It CAN get overwhelming. Never be afraid to ask for help. It does not make you weak. 

Be conscious of who you are because your children become that. 

Spend time with them instead of money on them.

Know that none of us have the answers...and it is hard. 

At the end of the day, that child would love nothing more than YOU as YOU are. That's the biggest ego boost of all. That child loves you and thinks you are the best thing they've ever known..no matter what Pinterest project you completely ruined or what mistake you made in discipline. Even the kids with attitude as they get older still would be lost without mom. (dads are good too, but you know..lol) If you are doing the best you can, loving them with all you have, and trying to make sure they have a happy and fulfilling life, then you are doing it right and are a GOOD PARENT. That's all you need to know. 

♧Lady Luck

Introducing, Lady Luck!

Hey there! Welcome to the page. I'll be the first to introduce myself. I'm Lady Luck. I am the mom to a 7 yr old son (DS) and a 5 yr old daughter (DD). I'm almost two years into my second marriage and very very happy with it. I'll be blogging about tips, tricks, parenting advice, marriage truths, general parenting humor, and just randomness. Mostly I love to laugh and find humor in anything, but I'm also pretty good with advice and hope to help some new moms. We have a great admin panel.here and I'm really looking forward to it! ♧Lady Luck